


Our demons within

by mydearoldbuckybarnes



Category: Captain America, Marvel
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 18:18:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6294760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mydearoldbuckybarnes/pseuds/mydearoldbuckybarnes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When someone hits on you in a bar, a new side to Bucky is unleashed</p><p>You're faced with the decision 'how long can you stay with him?'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Our demons within

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, I know I haven't posted anything for ages but here's a short two part (this is Part 1) Bucky X Reader One Shot for you all :) Enjoy!

You were stood in the middle of a dark, dusky bar you and Bucky had discovered tucked away in the outskirts of the city, clutching a glass of your favourite drink. The gentle beat of the bass music flowed through your head, dizziness descending like a small weight on your head. Bucky had gone to the bathroom leaving you standing by yourself against the bar. You felt eyes linger over your body as other men sauntered past you smirking insolently.  
"Hey gorgeous, how about I buy you a drink?" a good looking man with dark brown hair and eyes muttered drunkenly at you. You smiled politely, raised your glass and replied "No thanks, I already have one...plus my boyfriend will be back in a minute".  
The man stumbled forwards slipping a hand round your waist, pulling you closer to him so you could smell the strong intoxication of alcohol hanging on his lips.

Trying to wriggle out of his grasp, his arms became stronger like steel bars. Just as you helplessly wondered where Bucky was, you were pushed into the bar, pain spreading through your hip and the mans grip was ripped away. You heard a loud thump! and screams. Looking up you saw Bucky standing, fists clenched, above the man who was sprawled on the floor clutching his nose with blood covered hands. You were about to reach out to tell Bucky to leave when the man on the floor kicked him in the stomach, enraging him and you watched him throw himself down, fists colliding with every part of the mans body and he screamed out in pain.

"BUCKY!!!" you shrieked "BUCKY STOP".

But he wasn't listening.  
Blood spluttered everywhere coming from both mens bodies as a dangerous fight commenced, the screams around them getting louder. You rushed forward grabbing Bucky's shoulder trying to haul him away but his arms continued to pummel downwards victoriously.

"Bucky please" you begged, your voice weak. Suddenly, Bucky's elbow shot backwards into your stomach and you were shoved back ferociously, losing your balance and causing the back of your head to collide with a table. Your whole body now ached as two other men helped you up. Tears of fear streamed down your face, you found it hard to stand as your knees shook viciously forcing you to lean against the bar. Men crowded round the fight (if it could be called that anymore) looking anxiously at one another as if to ask who was brave enough to try and stop it, but even a fool would know not to get involved.

"Call the police" you mumbled to the barman who was gripping to the bar tightly in shock. He nodded emptily and hurried away. A surge of anger seemed to flood suddenly through you and almost in a daze you reached across the bar, picked up a bottle of wine, pushed through the crowd and with one trembling hand and all your strength you smashed the bottle across the back of Bucky's head. He wavered slightly, his punches becoming weak before he slumped onto his side. You turned and began to storm out of the bar against the protests of the barman who insisted you needed to be taken to hospital. You realised he wouldn't let you go so you asked if you could call a friend instead. He raised his eyebrows but agreed and you followed him into his office where he pulled out a chair for you to sit down in. You smiled gratefully then picked up the phone, typing in the number before holding the receiver to your ear carefully. Closing your eyes, you listened to the rings. Ring...ring...ring...

"Hello" Steve said.

"Steve I need you to come pick me up"

"[Y/N??!?....Where are you? Where's Bucky?"

"He's-" Suddenly, your whole body felt heavy and you swayed a couple times, the phone fell from your hand as you fell forwards to the ground with a crash, losing consciousness.

 ***

"Don't let him in!" Tony yelled.  
Your eyes fluttered open. You squinted as a bright light shone down above you. Slowly, everything began to come into focus.

"Tony?!?" you mumble as he spins around and smiles down at you.

"Hey there" he says, checking a computer next to you.

"What happened"

"Well...you had a little tumble I think. When Steve lost contact with you we had to trace where you were and he found you and brought you back here. You had a knock to the head and you have a few bruises ribs but you're fine".  
A loud banging interrupted you. You try to sit up to see the source of the noise but Tony stops you, which you are grateful of as huge amounts of pain begin to flood through your body making you wince.

"What's going on"

"Let me in!!" You hear Bucky shout.

"He needs help. Medical attention".

"He needs something beyond help...bloody frankensteins monster"

"Yet you let Jekyll and Hyde over there roam around freely" Steve spat, flicking a pointed finger at Bruce who was stood in the corner of the room. A fierce silence filled the air, even the rattling of the door had stopped. You force yourself to sit up, pushing through the pain. You look around the room at the faces almost frozen in time. Tony stood glaring at Steve, his mouth opened slightly in shock. Bruce had a blank expression on his face which was uneasy as you couldn't tell if he was getting angry. Steve was leaning against the door, his eyes open in shock at his own words.

"Bruce I'm sorry I didn't -"  
Bruce began to walk across the room towards the door and it was then that you notice Bucky stood against the window pressed up against the glass staring at you. There was blood trickling down his face from his forehead and bruises covered his left cheek. You force yourself to look away.

"I'll see to Bucky" Bruce said, grabbing the door handle as Steve moved aside. "Us monsters have to stick together" he added, looking Steve straight in the eye.  
We watched as he guided Bucky reluctantly away with an arm round his shoulder.  
The Captain opened his mouth to speak but Tony interrupted him with a wave of his hand.

"Save it" he growled, before turning to you. You smile to give some reassurance of the situation and he gently smiles back before looking down at his computer screen. With a thud, you fall back onto the bed and breathe out slowly. Shutting your eyes, you let yourself drift back into a sleep where in the darkness of your dreams all you see is _his_ face.

You spent the next few days in bed, your torso wrapped heavily in bandages, whilst Tony and Bruce looked after you despite your best efforts to prove you were well enough to get up.

"Is Bucky still here" you ask Tony.

"Why?"

"I want to know"

"You shouldn't talk to him"

"I know but..."

"Look, you just want to talk to him because you saw how he was. I get it, you're worried about him but he is in a much better shape than you". You nod in a shameful agreement. A part of you wanted so badly to get up and go to him and embrace him and tell him everything's ok, but there was a domineering urge to crawl under your bedsheets and hide from him because everytime you saw his face you relived that night and the pain rushing through your body seemed to emanate in horror.

***

A week later and you were able to get up out of bed. Tony insisted that you stay in the spare room whilst you gather up all your strength "so he could keep an eye on you" he said but you knew it was because he didn't want you to see Bucky. Rather than argue with him, you agreed and spent most of each day in your room, reading, sleeping, thinking. Each day you were visited by the others, Clint and Natasha would come in and chat with you telling you about the missions they had to go on, Bruce came and read to you each night which you knew seemed to benefit him more than you as he would get lost in the world he was reading, in those few hours he was almost at peace with himself.

Steve sat with you morning, noon, night, keeping you company. You occasionally shared glances and you could see what he was thinking, it was written on his lips when he smiled almost pleading "let him see you" and you smiled a smile that you knew he could read. Words that you couldn't utter. How every time Steve walks through the door in the morning there was always a few seconds when your stomach would fill with butterflies, because you hoped it was him. Bucky. But it never was and you never wanted to say it out loud because you were scared about how you would feel if he walked into that room.

It wasn't long before you would find out...

The next morning Steve didn't turn up. At breakfast, Natasha said he went out early, didn't say where he was going. Today you had regained more strength back, but the high energy in the tower that was only felt before a big mission made you want to slump back to your room.

It was quiet in the tower, you were sitting in a chair tucked in the corner of your room, when a face appeared at your door. You already knew who it was, you had been expecting him.

"I needed to see you"

"If Tony finds you in here...-"

"I don't give a damn if he finds me in here he can't stop me from coming back to you"

"Bucky I don't want to talk"

"Why....why won't you talk to me. I don't understand"

"You really don't remember do you??" you whisper, you voice faltering.

"I overreacted. I messed up and lost control but...I would never hurt you" Bucky cried.

"Really, Bucky, you honestly think that?!? Well then. How do you think I got this" you scream, before lifting your top to reveal deep purple covering the whole right side of your torso. Bucky's eyes widened in horror, his heart began to race. Could he have really done this?  
You drop your shirt, instead embracing a brave stance, arms folded, back straight, standing tall. There was so much anger in you, but there was also hurt and right now you weren't prepared to show it.  
"[Y/N] I" Bucky pleaded, his eyes filling with tears. He stepped forward, reaching out a hand towards you. You flinched suddenly without realising, shocking yourself, as your heart thumped faster, almost uncontrollably. Bucky's mouth opened slightly as he breathed out, his tongue skimmed his bottom lip before he bit down on it. He closed his eyes and nodded with acceptance and you saw a tear drop to the ground.  
"Out of all the things I've done. Out of all the things I've been. I never wanted to be someone who hurts you or someone you're afraid of..." he whispered.

Bucky turned and walked out the door. You could hear Steve calling after him then his footsteps found his way to your room where you were still stood, eyes clouding with tears, your body filled with pain beyond the bruising.  
"Are you serious? He had no idea what he was doing [Y/N]"

Sighing, you turned away from Steve and sat down on the edge of your bed.  
"You weren't there. He was terrifying, he was uncontrollable."

"You know what he's been through, you've got to understand"

"Steve...I forgave him after his first, second...hundredth punch. I love him way more than anyone else could...but last night I had never been more scared in my whole life. I've got to think about myself so I don't get hurt" Looking down at the ground, you ran your hands through your hair pushing it back.

"[Y/N] -"

"I am very tired and in lots of pain. I would like it very much if you left" You interrupted, pointing to the door.

There you were. Left in your room alone. You tucked your knees under your chin as you crawled into bed, emotions floating around in your head. Eventually, you felt yourself drifting off into a dark and disturbed sleep.

Waking up was almost impossible the next morning, but you woke up with an idea set in your mind. Swinging yourself out of bed, you got dressed (nothing fancy just sweatpants, a plain top and an oversized hoodie which you suddenly realised was Bucky's although you still left it on) and made your way out of your room. Carefully, you snuck through the tower and straight out onto the street. For a few seconds, you stand on the pavement of the busy street, breathing deeply in and out in relief. Then you started walking, almost subconsciously as your mind travelled to other worlds. You followed a trail of left and right turns, across town till you reached your destination.

You stood in the doorway of your (now) lonely apartment. This was the final challenge, the final choice. Once you stepped inside you could only leave with packed bags and a guilty conscience. Somehow your body carried you in, past the invisible barrier.

Now everything seemed much easier. It was easy for you to walked into your bedroom, reach under the bed and pull out your suitcase, then pull open drawers and cupboards shoving things in. "Leave Bucky? Could I really do it?" you thought, although all prospects seemed slim and frightening to you. Your eyes did not water, no tears were shed as, calm and collectively, you packed your things. There were still objects of yours that remained in each room like you subconsciously knew you would be back soon. When you were finished you stopped and took a deep breath in, steadying your emotions. Then you hauled up your bags and headed out the apartment.

Opening the door you were met with a figure, the last true obstacle in the way of exiting this town. Bucky.  
For a moment, the two of you stare, examining each other; your eyes wandering over his wrinkled clothes which were well worn and dirty like he'd ate and slept in them for several days, whilst Bucky's eyes drew attention to the bags and suitcase behind you stood like an army protecting you.

"So you're really going?" Bucky said, breaking the tautness wrapped silence.

"I just think...I can't stay" You reply.

"You can. We can make this work, learn to forgive me" he rushed forward, arms outstretched, a glimmer of hope flashing through his eyes, but you met him with a cold shoulder, immediately turning away,  
"It's not about forgiveness, Bucky. It's about me not wanting to feel on guard all the time, not having to worry about you turning on me when you have another outburst. I just need time to think about things"

"By things you mean if you love me"

"I mean this...us...if this can work and how".

"Then let's go. Me and you. We'll leave and start somewhere afresh, a secluded place far away from anyone". Now his hands cupped your face, turning your head to face him. "I could never be angry at you. There would be no violence, no anger, no pain. Just me and you".  
It was then you saw the wild spark of an unhinged man flow through the course of his body and you realised he was beyond normal help. Up until this moment you had never felt more reason to stay...but also to go.  
You sighed as your eyes closed, sending tears that hesitated on the edge tumbling down your face.  
"You still have blood on your shoes" you whispered, smiling weakly. Removing Bucky's hands from your face, you turn and gather up your bags before stepping forward to leave. Bucky was staring down at the blood splatters that patterned his boots and he knew then that he had to let you go. He stepped aside, letting you pass and you reached up, kissing him gently on the cheek, then walked past him down the stairs, out the door and into a taxi. As the miles between you and Bucky grew, so did the empty hole in your heart.

**Author's Note:**

> Will you return to Bucky? Or start a new life without him? 
> 
> Part 2 will be up soon!


End file.
